This week's blog - February 22, 2010

Here are some of the e-mail question and answers I have received over the last month.

- "We just met last week and he wants me to meet his kids. What do I do?" - Tell him . . .

- "I just don't feel that spark. He treats me great but should I keep seeing him?" - Stop seeing him or . . .

- "I don't want to hit the three week drop-off-curve. What do I need to do to avoid it?" - Timing . . . pacing . . . texting . . . avoiding the too-nice trap . . . and going for the kiss.

- "I have been flirting with him forever. Is he interested or not?" - The next time you see him . . .

 

Previous Blogs:

Read the Feb. 15th blog, click here.

Read the Feb. 8th blog, click here.

Read the Feb. 1st blog, click here.

Read the Oct. 19th blog, click here.

Read the Sept. 28th blog, click here.

Read the Sept. 7th blog, click here.

Read Chapter 1's blog, click here.

Read Chapter 2's blog, click here.

Read Chapter 3's blog, click here.

 

"We just met last week and he wants me to meet his kids. What do I do?"

I would suggest that if you have not been out four to six times you don't meet his kids. It could confuse them. Use this as an opportunity to set a boundary and say no to see how he handles it. Tell him, "I really enjoy getting to know you, but feel uncomfortable meeting your kids yet. Let's keep dating, having fun, and just see where things go in time. If this develops into a relationship then I would love to meet your kids. I would love to get together with you on a different night than Friday or after dinner with your kids. Let me know what you think."

I hope that helps.

Alisa

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"I just don't feel that spark. He treats me great but should I keep seeing him?"

I suggest that you either ask him to take a break from seeing you for a few weeks to sort out your feelings and then evaluate how you feel during the break and when you see him again or just break up with him. It doesn't seem that you feel right about the relationship. A break may help you re-evaluate exactly what you are feeling.

Also, do you have a Top 10 List of what it is you are looking for in a man and relationship. If you do, compare him to the list. If he doesn't fit the list, than your answer is clear.

If you decide you do like him, he fits your list, and you want to continue seeing him, you need to invest more fully in the relationship and him. The more deeply you sacrifice the more deeply you love. You will never love him deeply if you do not invest in him, his needs, and his happiness.

I hope that helps. Good luck,

Alisa

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"I don't want to hit the 3 week drop-off-curve. What do I need to do to avoid it?"

I recommend that you call to ask for a date each week if she is on your A List. That is how a woman knows you really like her. She will wait two weeks for now but if that pace continues she will start to lose momentum and interest because she doesn't feel like you really like her.

Also, women hate text for the most part. They don't mind it in between a phone call and a date but when it is used as a replacement for phone calls texting does not make her feel special or important. Men see it as a convenient and easy way to communicate but women want a connection and the effort and contact of talking on the phone makes that connection feel more meaningful. Women feel texting is too safe and doesn't require much energy.

So. I recommend you call two to five days after a first date, ask for the next date when you make this call. Then call the day before the date to confirm your plans and let her know the details. Try not to text in between calls, that may cause too much contact too soon. Don't worry about planning expensive dates at this point. That can set you up for the too-nice-trap. Just plan a fun and nice date. After the third or fourth date then plan something more special if you want to. What makes you look like an A List guy and her feel like an A List woman is not the expensive nature of a date but how you pace a date and make her feel. Avoid all negative self talk (which you may or may  not do but I wanted to be sure to mention the necessity of doing this). Focus on  having fun, making her feel great, and practicing your techniques (for acting strong and confident and for dating).

Maintain this pace for the next two weeks. Don't call more than twice a week for the first three weeks, don't ask for a date by text (if you can avoid it - for example, if you call but you keep missing each other than ask by text), don't worry about making the calls too long 5 to 15 minutes is enough. After you have done this for two more weeks, write me again and I will tell you my advice for after the third week.

I hope this helps.

Good luck,

Alisa

P.S. Also, it is qually important that you kiss her around the 4th to 6th date at the latest. Keep it short and sweet rather than allowing it to become passionate, which creates too much pressure and dramatically increases the risk that the relationship will not last six weeks. To go in for the kiss you can always start first by brushing hair away from her eyes, even if there is no hair. If she doesn't move back or look away, go for it.

I hope that helps.

Good luck,

Alisa

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"I have been flirting with him forever? Is he interested or not?"

I just suggest that the next time you get a chance to talk to him alone, smile and warmly say, "I need to go, but I would really love you to call me sometime." Then wave and walk away. If he is interested he will take action and get your number. If not, he will do nothing. Then you will know.

Good luck I hope that helps.

Alisa

 

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